i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize