So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
