Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
