Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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