it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize