We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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