he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
