I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you would pick up someone in the library
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
