Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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