For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
