Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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