how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
