I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
