Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
