I need to stop coming to work sober
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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