we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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