He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
