Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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