Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
