So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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