he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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