I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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