I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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