Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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