Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
