i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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