You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
