Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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