Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
