while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
