i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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