I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
True strength comes from lack of pants
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
