so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize