I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
