I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
