Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
