i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
