he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
