dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
