Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
