i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
