we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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