Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I want is dick and wine.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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