Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
