so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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