Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
