there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
