Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize