winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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