i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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