Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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