there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
