She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
