Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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