happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
