Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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