I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
