A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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