So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize