I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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