Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
