I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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