thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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