if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
