Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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