Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
