Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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