We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
