There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
