Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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