So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
