I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
