Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
