can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
