I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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