The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
